When it comes to divorce and custody disputes, what you do outside the courtroom can matter just as much as what you say in it. At Ilarraza Law, we’ve seen clients walk in thinking they’re in control of their case—only to find out that a single careless text message, social media post, or omission to their attorney has destroyed their credibility in front of a judge.
Texas courts evaluate more than legal arguments. Judges evaluate behavior, consistency, and trustworthiness. Below are some of the most common—and damaging—mistakes people make during a divorce or custody case in Texas.
Text Messages Are Not Private. They Are Evidence.
One of the most common mistakes we see is people treating text messages like casual, inconsequential communication. Many people say things over text that they’d never say in court—but guess what? Those messages can be entered into evidence, printed out, read aloud, and used to build or break a case.
You might walk into court in a suit, trying to look calm and responsible. But if there’s a record of you calling your co-parent names, sending abusive rants, or acting erratically over text, the judge will see the real version of you. No amount of charm in the courtroom can undo the damage of your own words.
We’ve even seen cases where a single line from a text message completely reversed the direction of a case. In one matter, we were trying to prove that our client was in a common law marriage—a concept that exists under Texas law and requires three main elements: an agreement to be married, cohabitation in Texas as spouses, and holding yourselves out as married to others.
It was going well—until a text surfaced in which the client told their partner, just two months before the hearing, “I can’t wait to be your wife one day.” That sentence instantly undermined our claim that they had already agreed to be married. The judge ruled against us.
Words matter—especially when you write them down.
The “Real You” Will Show Up in Court, Even If You Don’t Mean It To
Judges know that people put on a good front in court. That’s why they look at your actions outside the courtroom too. If you’re polite and respectful during a hearing but your text history reveals cruelty, aggression, or erratic behavior, guess which version the judge is going to believe?
It’s not just about what you say—it’s also about how consistent your story is. If you claim to have been emotionally stable and respectful toward your co-parent but your text exchanges say otherwise, your credibility takes a major hit.
Social Media Isn’t Harmless—It’s a Weapon in Divorce
Another mistake we see over and over again is people oversharing on social media. Whether it’s posting about the divorce, sharing passive-aggressive memes, or venting about your co-parent, it’s a bad move.
Judges and opposing counsel look at your online presence. They can and do take screenshots of your posts. If you’re trying to present yourself as stable, mature, and cooperative—but your feed is filled with anger or public drama—it undermines everything you’ve said in court.
In short, don’t post. You don’t need to win the internet. You need to show the court that you’re focused on what’s best for your family.
Common Law Marriage Can Be Undone by a Single Message
Texas recognizes common law marriage under very specific conditions. But these cases often hinge on how consistent and convincing the evidence is. Text messages, social media posts, and even casual conversations can make or break a case.
We once had a client who met all the common law elements—except for one problem. A casual message they sent undermined the idea that they had agreed to be married. Judges don’t need to see a pattern of doubt. One contradiction is enough to throw out the entire case.
Don’t Give the Other Side Ammo
The truth is, your ex’s attorney is watching everything. They’re looking for anything they can use to discredit you. And one reckless message, rant, or photo could be all they need.
Don’t make it easy for them.
When you send a message, ask yourself: would I be okay with a judge reading this? If the answer is no, don’t send it. And if you’re not sure—ask your lawyer.
Protect Yourself Proactively
There are steps you can take to avoid these issues:
- Keep all communication with your co-parent respectful and factual.
- Avoid discussing the divorce with anyone outside your attorney and therapist.
- Don’t post on social media—at all—about your case.
- If you have questionable messages, let your lawyer know in advance.
- When in doubt, say less.
At Ilarraza Law, we help clients prepare for every aspect of divorce—inside and outside the courtroom. We can review communications, coach you on how to handle conflict, and help you avoid behavior that could sabotage your case.
Don’t Let One Mistake Derail Everything
Your divorce case isn’t just about what you say in front of the judge—it’s about the full picture. And in today’s digital world, that picture includes every message you’ve sent and every post you’ve shared.
